Vuvuzela infection?

Can the vuvuzela make you sick? Now I am not a medical doctor, but I just came back from one. I woke up on Monday with a slight throat infection. By Tuesday I went for my first visit to the doctor, but for some reason they said I was fine. By yesterday my  uvula (my klein tongetjie vir die boere!) was the size of a small carrot, but I thought it looked more like a small penis!

This story is not about the vuvuzela. I am pretty much for it, but the doctor at the medical center informed me that there was an increase in throat infections since the rugby matches at Orlando. At these matches the Vuvuzela sort of found it's way into the rugby culture. The guy at the pharmacy told me, even before I told him my condition that there was an increase in cold sores the past couple of weeks. It could also be the weather I thought?

You see I was diagnosed with strep throat. Strep throat  is the most common bacterial cause of sore throat. Because strep throat can occasionally lead to rheumatic fever, antibiotics are given. Strep throat often includes a fever (greater than 101 degrees Fahrenheit), white draining patches on the throat, and swollen or tender lymph glands in the neck. Children may have headache and stomach pain. So if it is so common, can it only be the vuvuzela? Not sure about that, could be taking a sip of someones beer?

The debate here is not about the noise, but the health side to it? I mean if it is nothing it is fine, but if we are blowing all our shit into the air at a match and we could be in harms way - we should know about it.

The doctor explained that there is a real possibility that I got this from sharing a vuvuzela. She also gave me all of this...

Macaroni made me nervous

Lying awake in my bed at around 1:00 at night. It was not that I could not sleep but the fact that my girlfriend, who I just took for larney breakaway in Cape-Town was angry with me.I was trying to figure out what I did wrong. After 5 minutes of deep thought I came up with an alarming amount of possibilities.

But I am sure it was my interference with the Macaroni and cheese preparation. Call me a purist or a snob, I just really think there should be at least some bacon with this dish, and cheese would also be nice. Another possibility that came to mind was the fact that we do not currently have an oven door. It just fell off. Really, it just fell of one night about 17 months ago. Since then we mostly ate “new world food”. Basically stuff that can be prepared in one pan. Mostly mince.

The reasons for my celibacy were mounting. The fact that I had to get up to fly to PE in three hours did not help either. IN the distance I heard one of my neighbours starting up a generator. This did not make me think about Eskom or the fact that Valentine’s day were going to start off wrong tomorrow morning. I was also nervous about my gift situation. I actually thought about an email I got earlier the day from one of my pals. He works for a company that does backup power for Telkom. I just touched base with him to find out, what he was up to. “I am leaving the company”, the response came. “The next two days will be the longest of my live. I cannot believe that I still have to be here for two days before I can start my new career”, he complained. I tossed around in my bed.

That is not a long wait I thought. Two days is nothing compared to what I had to suffer through? Suddenly my forehead was dripping with sweat. I got so nervous. How is it possible that my remarks about putting cheese in Macaroni and cheese can make me so nervous? You see about 2 years ago I was still working for a company that used to produce electricity. We were flying around quite a bit. It was long days with hectic schedules. I sort of picked up a problem or two health wise. To solve one of these little problems I had to set up an appointment with a proctologist. Because these guys are quite busy, I had to wait 2 weeks to see him. The surname sounded Italian or even Greek. I wasn’t sure what a prostate is or what proctologist do, but for some reason the people that found out about my appointment gladly shared with me what will happen. Most of my friends took great pleasure in telling you what will happen in the minutes that follow after I enter this doctor’s surgery.

My friend Nico, two days is not a long wait. Two weeks is long. Two weeks with the knowledge that a man, will stick a finger, and by some counts probably two fingers up your crack is long.  The day arrived and yes, is was two fingers.(and plenty lube)

Returning from PE and driving back to my Randburg house, I saw a guy buying one rose in front of me. Shame the roadside shopkeeper had to pull one from a bouquet. This guy made me miss the green light and I almost lost my temper. Just before I gave him the finger I realized that he just taught me a lesson. It is never too late. I hooted at the shopkeeper. He came running, and I bought a rose.

As the guy behind me started swearing and shouting since he would miss the robot, I smiled…..now just to fix the oven.

Article first appeared on MYDL 17 Fed, 2009

Anal Autumn

So much for the long week slash weekend slash ridiculous long weekend we have.You get up in the morning; decide that the garden for some weird reason needs attention.One can buy an amazing rake for less than a hundred bucks. What you cannot do is talk to trees and convince them that this leaf shedding shit is not cool....
So you buy a rake and get one with it.
"Wow",  I can see my roses, basil, thyme and rosemary.  What a beautiful garden.
The reason for my garden looking like the Amazon?
Well, since I started blogging I thought about setting up my own website. Then you start to Google, you start to Joomla, Wordpress and before you know it you are spending your time trying to figure out PHP and .NET. It took me two months to realize I know more about herbs than how to program the web.
So after Kenny and myself cleaned the garden I asked him in Sotho if he wants some coffee. It took us about three hours to clean the garden and get rid of all the leaves. A cup of coffee would be in order!
According to physics (which I understand better than herbs), it should take 500ml of water about 93 seconds to 
boil. Another 60 seconds to prepare the bru and walk outside with it. I always thought matric science would come in  handy.:
This is how I know that it took only 150 seconds, or about 2 and a half minutes for the big tree outside to destroy the good work we have done.
"Die blare bliksem uit die bome soos bakstene Tobie", Kenny told me in Afrikaans ". My reply?
"Fok!", and Kenny started laughing. "Where are the leaves we raked up?" I asked. "Around the corner", came the 
reply. "FETCH THEM KENNY, FETCH THEM NOW!", I screamed.
Kenny brought the leaves and we chucked them all out. We kicked them and threw them back into the garden.
We decided together that autumn is not worth it. I opened the gate and took a slash against the big tree, which is 
now known as "THE BIG LOSER".
Kenny asked if he could take a dump against it.
I suggested he waits for winter, when the tree has nothing to throw at us.
But in summer the shade will be welcome.